I’m Doing It. I’m Really Going Back To School. Really! July 22, 2008
Going back to college.
It shouldn’t seem like such a “big deal” for someone who is in their early 20s. It shouldn’t seem so exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that I was graduating high school for cryin’ out loud. It also wasn’t that long ago that I was taking the first few steps to getting into college for the first time. So all of this is not new exactly:
- Enrollment
- FAFSA (and all the other financial aid forms)
- Registration
- Schedule (and dealing with the conflicts thereof)
A “big deal” and AMAZING is people like my mother, who went back to school and got her GED when she was 35 years old. Then went back to college at 36 years old and not only “got through it” but EXCELLED and graduated Regis University with a 3.8GPA. All the while still being a wife and mother.
While she says it is (and was) her greatest joy to be our mother, I know it hasn’t always been easy on her. Growing up, I wasn’t really a “bad” kid per se - I did my fair share of partying, but I never smoked pot or had sex until I was 19-21. Mostly, I was The Mouth. And in that regard, I didn’t make it easy on her. Uhm, at all.
But I did do what I could to stand by her while she went after her Bachelor’s Degree, even if I did resent her for a long time because I had all this responsibility and all I REALLY wanted was to go out with my friends! Cooking, cleaning, taking Matt and Ashley to the things they were a part of and places they needed to go, grocery shopping, etc. I learned at a young age to bargain shop and trust me - you get some weird looks from cashiers when you pull out your parent’s checkbook at 16 years old to pay for two full carts of groceries.
(For the record: I wouldn’t change a single thing, except take away the resentment I had toward my mom for going back to school, with all the above. Sure, I missed out on some things — but I gained more than I could possibly being to explain. <– That happens a lot, doesn’t it? :()
My brother was the Attention Whore because he had multiple issues that needed time and attention - including numerous meetings with school officials, cops, and judicial workers. He required a lot because of his mental issues and the subsequent things it got him into. ALTHOUGH, for the record, my parents did not EVER let him use his mental illnesses as an “excuse” to get out of trouble or around the law. They made him stand up, face the consquences of his actions, and accept whatever punishment came because of it — all the while, standing beside him.
My sister was… and still is… The Sneaky One. They had to keep a constant eye on her because she is an introvert to the extreme and will bottle everything up. Then she’ll try and fill that void with things like drugs, alcohol, relationships, etc. There was a time where some of Ashley’s pain had to be dealt with because with Matt needing as much as he did from my parents, she feels like sometimes their eyes were taken off her and they didn’t see some of the things that she needed them to see. Although now that she’s been clean and sober for 17 months, she’s taken her share of personal accountability for that dark time in our lives.
On top of the three of us kids, there was always an army of our friends over here — my parents somehow always managed to feed them and help take care of them as well. Even going so far as to letting quite a few of our friends stay at our place for a while when they were going through some serious things with their parents.
It’s amazing to me EVERYBODY else who succeeds despite incredible obstacles. My mother was working on Statistics homework the day she received the call my brother had been in an accident. She explained the situation to her instructor and took an “Incomplete” in that class until she could pick it up in the fall again.
I don’t have the words to describe what it was like to watch her, literally sobbing, every single day as she pushed through that last course she needed for her degree. Because every single day she did, she was reliving my brother’s death.
To me? THAT is strength. THAT is courage. THAT is amazing.
I’ve only been out of school for a few years and don’t have nearly the obstacles facing me that so many of those who have gone before me into this World of Education have faced. Betty is another prime example of getting back into school and going after her dream in the face of huge mountains. Being Bi-Polar herself (one of the diagnoses Matt had), being a single mother after divorcing from your husband, and having a horrible childhood to overcome are not the “ideal” circumstances in which to try and obtain your degree. Yet, she did it and now, she’s only a few short classes away graduating herself. (By the way, nothing I’ve written here is not anything that Betty herself doesn’t discuss openly on her blog. She’s an incredible woman so please go check her out… and you can see for yourself that she is incredibly brave in the re-telling of her life’s stories).
Anyway…
I’m getting off point again, as I’m prone to do because my thoughts are usually so scattered when I sit down to write. They come together as I pour them out through my fingertips, but… well… obviously there are a lot of them (haha).
So… I guess The Point of everything I was writing about above, is simply that it’s my turn. My time. My chance. And it IS a “Big Deal” for me.
I’ve had them in the past and screwed up… but I was younger and a much, much, different person back then.
Getting my CNA license and passing the state boards on my first try? Boosted my self-esteem.
Getting through Medical Assisting School and passing with a 4.0GPA? Boosted my self-esteem.
Knowing that, despite my doctor being an evil bitch for the most part, I succeeded at being a “nurse” to my patients - earning their respect, their confidence, their trust. Helping to ease their pain when they came in, organizing a new doctor with a new practice. Well, just all the things that I learned and accomplished working in the healthcare field for nearly a year? Boosted my self-esteem.
So now… I have a renewed confidence in myself and my ability to succeed that wasn’t there before. Where there was a fear of failure, there is now faith to go further than I ever thought possible. I’m going to do this. I CAN do this - with God’s help.
I have several phone calls in and I’m definitely in the “waiting” part of the game now.
Waiting to see how much financial aid I receive. Waiting to see if they are going to let me skip Bio 109 and 111 (the prerequisites for Anataomy and Physiology) as I’ve been a Medical Assistant and have taken basica A & P. Waiting to see how my schedule plays out as I receive more information. But the nursing program instructor is AWESOME and gave me her direct line in case I need anything else and she was wonderful answering my questions yesterday.
Apparently, I scored high enough on all my tests for everything except Math, that Math is the only part of the “Accuplacer” I have to take to determine which course I should be in. Which was a relief, a dread, and kind of an ego stroke all at the same time.
If the cards fall as I want them to, then I’ll be taking 3 classes that are in the Nursing Program itself (as I’ve already gotten the majority of my pre-reqs out of the way, but have to be a full-time student for the financial aid and all that)… then I’ll be taking FIVE classes for a total of 13 credits.
1) Anatomy and Physiology I (Pre-Req)
2) Math 030 (Beginner! Ha!) (Building Block Class)
3) Dietary Nutrition (Nursing Program Class)
4) Introduction to Sociology (Nursing Program Class - for Social Behaviors Elective)
5) Photography 101 (Nursing Program Class - for Fine Arts Elective)
So far, Dietary Nutrition is the only one I’m definitely registered for. I’m praying that everything else works out the way I want it to. Once you actually get into the Nursing Program, each semester is 20 Credits - full time is 12 so that’s… intense. If I can knock out as much as I can during my pre-req stage since I have to be full time but the majority of my Nursing Pre-Req classes are done… well, I’ll be sitting pretty by the time this next fall comes around.
My car will be paid off in the next month or two. Since I’ll be a full-time student, I can go back on my parent’s auto insurance policy, and it looks like they’re going to give me money for my other bills monthly. Just for this first semester so I can take out student loans to live on when I’m in the Nursing Program itself. This way, I won’t be in any more debt than I absolutely have to be… which I’m incredibly grateful for.
This first semester can quite possibly be a butt-kicker, but you know? If I can get through it, I can work Spring and Summer semesters before starting nursing school in Fall 2009 because I would only have to take 2 classes and thus drop down to half-time status.
Spring 2009, I would only have to take:
1) Anatomy and Physiology II
2) Math 060
And Summer 2009:
1) Microbiology
2) Math 090
Can you tell I’ve thought about this a LOT and put a lot of planning into it? Haha
Now… it all just needs to work out the way I NEED it to so that I can start nursing school this upcoming fall. So you can imagine I’m doing a LOT of praying. My parents are in a position to help me now, where they weren’t “back in the day” and I kept getting teary-eyed and trying not to bawl when I was talking to my parents about This Plan. And how, if I can just get through this semester, I can work again but I JUST CAN’T WORK FULL TIME WITH FIVE CLASSES, MOM AND DAD… and I need your help but I’ve got wayyy too much of a stubborn streak and wayyy too much pride… but I’m asking because my dream means more to me than my stubborness and pride.
They’re “discussing” it, but I think they’re going to do this for me. My mom took my hand with tears in her eyes, and said, “don’t think about it that way, sis… think of it as us paying it forward. You helped me get through school and now it’s our turn to help you. Besides, we are your parents, we love you, and we want what’s best for you. We know this is your dream, sweetheart!”
WHY OH WHY did I EVER think my parents were uncool or stupid at any point in my life?
They. Are. Awesome!
Now… if the school could just jump on board, things would be just about perfect :).
And… for better… or for worse… regardless of what the school does…
I. Am. Officially. A. College. Student. Again.
God help me!




